Pown.us » 167

Funny Drunk Joke

admin — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 12:05:49 +0000

A man is asleep in his bed when there’s a knock at his door. He looks at the clock– it’s 3:30. He gets up, goes downstairs, opens the door. The guy on his front porch says, “I can’t seem to get her started… can you give me a push?” He is clearly drunk. The homeowner replies, “It’s three-thirty in the morning, I was in bed, and you’ve obviously been drinking. Forget it.”, slams the door and goes back to bed. Soon he hears the stranger knocking on his front door again. He turns over, covers his head with a pillow, but he can still hear the knocking. He tries to go back to sleep for ten minutes of uninterrupted knocking. Finally, he figures: I have to get rid of him; he might drive into a tree, but at least I’ll be able to get some sleep. He gets up, goes downstairs, half-way down the stairs the knocking stops. He opens his front door, the drunk is nowhere to be seen. He shouts, “Hey, do you still want a push?” He hears a voice cry out, “Yeah, please.” He still can’t see him, so he shouts, “Where are you?” And the stranger replies, “I’m over here, on the swings.”

Getting Your First Car

admin — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 15:53:58 +0000

On his 16th birthday, a boy passes his driving test, approaches his father, and says “Dad, can you buy me a car?”

His father replies, “Is your dick long enough to touch your ass?”. The boy says “No”, and the father tells him to come back when it is.

For the next 2 years, the boy uses various methods of enlargement, and when he finally achieves the length, approaches his dad and asks for a car again.

The father asks “Is your dick long enough to reach your ass?”

The boy proudly says yes, to which the father replies “Go fuck yourself!”

Best Car Bumper Stickers

admin — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 21:00:47 +0000

* There are many ways to say “I love you,” but sex is the fastest.
* Feminist chicks dig me.
* I just got back from a testicle convention. I had a ball.
* I feel so much better since I lost hope.
* If you smoke after sex, you’re doing it too fast.
* It’s people like you that make people like me take medicine.
* Alzheimer’s. A disease that…where are my socks?
* Don’t vote. It just encourages them.
* Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn’t want to live there.
* Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
* If walking is so good for you, why does my mailman look like that?
* Ask me about my vow of silence.
* If the answer isn’t beer, you’ve asked the wrong question.
* Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
* Before you condemn someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
* We must silence those who oppose freedom of speech.
* A man does not have to be a bigamist to have one wife too many.
* Try not to let your mind wander. It’s too small and fragile to be out by itself.
* Guys, just because you have one, doesn’t mean you have to be one.
* I’m happily married, but my wife isn’t.
* Real women don’t have hot flashes, they have power surges.
* When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
* You are right where you belong. Behind me.
* Old age comes at a bad time.
* The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
* Veni, Vedi, Visa: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
* Do unto others before they do unto you.
* Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
* Don’t play stupid with me. I’m better at it.
* Disarm rapists.
* I don’t have to be dead to donate my organ.
* Experience is learning a lot of crap you didn’t really want to know.
* I used to care, but I take a pill for that now.
* If 10 percent is good enough for God, it should be enough for the IRS.
* Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. The answer is yes.
* Was today really necessary?
* Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
* The more I learn, the less I understand.
* Just because people don’t understand you doesn’t make you an artist.
* Love is grand. Divorce is fifty grand.
* I came here with nothing, and I still have most of it.
* Even if you win the rat race, you’re still a rat.
* Pass carefully. Driver chews tobacco.
* O.K., I take it back. Unscrew you.
* The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
* I don’t have a license to kill. I have a learner’s permit.
* I wasn’t born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.
* Taxation with representation isn’t so hot, either!
* Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
* Does your train of thought have a caboose?
* Better living through denial.
* I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?
* You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
* Beauty is only a light switch away.
* Beer: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.
* I got a gun for my wife. Best trade I ever made.
* So you’re a feminist. Isn’t that cute!
* I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
* I’m not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.
* Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
* Prevent inbreeding. Ban country music.
* The bigger the jackass, the louder the bray.
* If you lived in your car, you would be home right now.
* It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
* If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
* I’m not completely worthless. I can be used as a bad example.
* A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

A Funny Blonde Joke

admin — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 20:54:57 +0000

An blonde Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: “They’ve stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!” she cried.

The dispatcher said, “Miss, please stay calm. An officer is on the way.”

A few minutes later, the officer radios in. “Disregard.” He says. “She got in the back-seat by mistake.

I Didn’t… I Wasn’t…

admin — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 18:23:18 +0000

Oh Really!

Click here to view the embedded video.

Funny Car Sale Ad

admin — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 19:37:52 +0000

Would you buy her?

Why Won’t It Starta!

admin — Sat, 10 Nov 2007 20:33:44 +0000

This is an Car Garaaaaage!

Is your wife this dirty?

admin — Sat, 10 Nov 2007 19:55:47 +0000

My wife is this dirty is yours?