Best Car Bumper Stickers
* There are many ways to say “I love you,” but sex is the fastest.
* Feminist chicks dig me.
* I just got back from a testicle convention. I had a ball.
* I feel so much better since I lost hope.
* If you smoke after sex, you’re doing it too fast.
* It’s people like you that make people like me take medicine.
* Alzheimer’s. A disease that…where are my socks?
* Don’t vote. It just encourages them.
* Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn’t want to live there.
* Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
* If walking is so good for you, why does my mailman look like that?
* Ask me about my vow of silence.
* If the answer isn’t beer, you’ve asked the wrong question.
* Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
* Before you condemn someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
* We must silence those who oppose freedom of speech.
* A man does not have to be a bigamist to have one wife too many.
* Try not to let your mind wander. It’s too small and fragile to be out by itself.
* Guys, just because you have one, doesn’t mean you have to be one.
* I’m happily married, but my wife isn’t.
* Real women don’t have hot flashes, they have power surges.
* When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
* You are right where you belong. Behind me.
* Old age comes at a bad time.
* The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
* Veni, Vedi, Visa: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
* Do unto others before they do unto you.
* Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
* Don’t play stupid with me. I’m better at it.
* Disarm rapists.
* I don’t have to be dead to donate my organ.
* Experience is learning a lot of crap you didn’t really want to know.
* I used to care, but I take a pill for that now.
* If 10 percent is good enough for God, it should be enough for the IRS.
* Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. The answer is yes.
* Was today really necessary?
* Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
* The more I learn, the less I understand.
* Just because people don’t understand you doesn’t make you an artist.
* Love is grand. Divorce is fifty grand.
* I came here with nothing, and I still have most of it.
* Even if you win the rat race, you’re still a rat.
* Pass carefully. Driver chews tobacco.
* O.K., I take it back. Unscrew you.
* The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
* I don’t have a license to kill. I have a learner’s permit.
* I wasn’t born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.
* Taxation with representation isn’t so hot, either!
* Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
* Does your train of thought have a caboose?
* Better living through denial.
* I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?
* You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
* Beauty is only a light switch away.
* Beer: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.
* I got a gun for my wife. Best trade I ever made.
* So you’re a feminist. Isn’t that cute!
* I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
* I’m not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.
* Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
* Prevent inbreeding. Ban country music.
* The bigger the jackass, the louder the bray.
* If you lived in your car, you would be home right now.
* It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
* If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
* I’m not completely worthless. I can be used as a bad example.
* A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
