Pown.us » Jokes

Gary Busey OWNS!

Toni — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 02:01:27 +0000

Think Ghostbusters 2.

How bout a cupcake? Charlie…CHARLIEEEEEEE!!!

Toni — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 02:35:01 +0000

Mmmmm

Toni — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 02:35:53 +0000

An Open Letter from Doc Brown to Marty Mcfly

admin — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 10:02:40 +0000

An Open Letter from Doc Brown to Marty McFly

by A Real Person on January 22, 2009

Dear Marty-

Having recently reviewed the surveillance footage of the events of the night you went back to 1985, I couldn’t help but be slightly taken aback by your spurious reasoning of only allowing TEN FUCKING MINUTES to SAVE MY GODDAMN LIFE. Ten minutes??? Really. You actually thought that you could get from the Courthouse to Twin Pines Mall (I’m sorry, I mean LONE Pine Mall now–way to run over a tree, fucknut) in ten minutes. What the fuck did you think that could accomplish? What were you going to do? Vanquish the Libyans with your shortness? Yeah, I said it. YOU’RE TINY. Like Ratatouille (2008 reference), but in a puffy vest . Listen, you little feathered-haired leprechaun, any one of these Hill Valley MOUTH-BREATHERS would have had the good sense to go back, oh I don’t know, AT LEAST A DAY to give me time to prepare for the Middle East extremists and their Summer of Love van of fucking DEATH, what with having a device that has mastered the dimension of TIME and all. And I’m INCLUDING Biff in that group. You are goddamn lucky that I have a compulsive disorder when it comes to taping paper back together. Otherwise you’d have been as useless as Einstein with a Vernier caliper. Mark my words, Stuart Little, as SOON as I get this DeLorean up and running again (thanks for turning my car into a fucking lightning rod, BTW) I SWEAR I am going to go back and convince Jennifer to dump your Hobbit ass so you can go on that dumbshit camping trip ALONE with nothing to do but jam your little meerkat penis into that extra sleeping bag in the back of your gaywad new truck. Then I’m going to fuck her into tomorrow…LITERALLY. How long am I going to tap that skinny bitch? “Ten minutes oughta do it!” You vapid douche.

Thanks for watching me get shot twice,

PS – You’re a fucking CHICKEN.

Via www.nerdist.com

Worst Night Out. Ever.

admin — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 02:00:57 +0000

so I was with my friend bryan the other night in a bar
well he got really drunk and said he was gonna puke
so i helped him walk to the toilet
all the stalls were occupied
lol
bryan is a rugby player… so a big guy
so he fucking KICKS one of the stall doors open
and there’s this guy in there taking a shit
hahahahahaha
and bryan throws up ALL OVER HIM
then (this is genius) bryan thinks ‘oh shit… if i were taking a shit and someone came in and was sick all over me, i’d want to fuck him up… so i’d better hit him first’
so he fucking SMACKS this guy in the face
and runs away
imagine being that guy… WORST NIGHT OUT EVER

Funny Joke

admin — Mon, 19 May 2008 16:50:16 +0000

Two drunks sitting at the rural area bar, lamenting their lack of a sex
life. One looks out the window, and across the road is a sheep stuck half
way through a fence, with its butt facing the tavern. One drunk says he sure
wishes that sheep were Marilyn Monroe. The other says, “I just wish it
were dark.”

A Great Joke

admin — Sun, 18 May 2008 19:24:55 +0000

A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there’s
no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it’s a good thing.

The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and once again he leaves the store laughing wildly. This piques the interest of
the pharmacist. What’s so funny about buying a rubber, anyway?

So he tells his clerk, “If this guy ever comes back, I want you to follow him to see where he goes.”

Sure enough, the next day the laugher is back. He buys the condom, starts cracking up, then leaves. The pharmacist tells his clerk to go follow the
guy.

About an hour later, the clerk comes back to the store.

“Did you follow him? Where did he go?” asks the pharmacist.

The clerk replies “Your house.”

Whats the difference between a blond and a Mosquito?

admin — Sun, 18 May 2008 18:41:58 +0000

Whats the difference between a blond and a Mosquito?

The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.

What About The Other 40% ?

admin — Sun, 18 May 2008 18:31:38 +0000

A hundred prostitutes in Washington D.C. were asked if they would ever sleep with President Clinton.

60% said, ‘Never again!’

An Old Mans Death Wish

admin — Fri, 16 May 2008 10:57:02 +0000

An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. “I want to become a lawyer. How much is it or the express degree you told me about?”

“It’s $50,000,” the lawyer said. “But why? You’ll be dead soon, why do you want to become a lawyer?”

“That’s my business! Get me the course!”

Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer was at his bedside, making sure his bill would be paid.

Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing and it was clear that this would be the end. Still curious, the lawyer leaned over and said, “please, before it’s too late, tell me why you wanted to to get a law degree so badly before you died?”

In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said, “One less lawyer . . .”